Of Gramps and Men.

On July 10, 2013, my entire world changed.  We lost the most influential, integral core of our family unit: my Grandpa.  But, with this loss, a new perspective was found; a shift in values and instincts and priorities to more mirror those of the man we continue to admire.  A man that I wish all my future boyfriends had a chance to meet, so they knew what standard they were living up to.  But they'll still know, because I will make sure that that standard lives.

My Grandpa knew the value of trying- of maybe not making it to the finish line, but in scooting your toe slowly over the start line.  I was watching a home video of my Uncle John's wedding, where I was around 3 years old and anointed as the flower girl.  Once the ceremony started, however, it became clear that there was no way I was walking down that aisle.  The video shows the ring bearer, a little blond boy my age, fulfilling his wedding duties with ease, while I sit clutching my flower basket from my Grandpa's lap.  Of course I'd get a comforting hold from him, instead of a hushed scold.

Fast forward a few months- it's summertime and my brother and I are having a joint birthday party.  My brother is turning 7 and I'm turning 3.  The entertainment is a lady in full Minnie Mouse costume, and while I'm delighted to join in to her parade games, my brother is nowhere to be found.  Oh wait, there he is- hiding behind the backyard fence, scared of Minnie.  Who's that next to him?  My grandpa, of course.  For a good portion of the party they stood like that; my brother too afraid to enter into the party, and my Grandpa waiting patiently beside him.  I don't know what was said that convinced my brother to join the party- I was too young to remember and too busy having fun- but I'm sure it was the encouraging words of my Grandpa that coaxed him in; and he ended up having an amazing time.

At the beginning of this summer, my Grandpa was already sick but not THAT bad yet, and I tried out a job as a hostess at a restaurant/rum bar.  As a person with a generally flighty nature, this was high pressure for me and I knew in my heart that it wasn't going to work out for me.  Also being a person of a approval-seeking nature, I was scared to tell my family that I couldn't cut it after only one night.  But I did, and when my mom relayed the news to my Grandpa, he said "At least she tried."

Which almost sums up the essence of my Grandpa.  Almost.  For his full essence you find the beauty in everything, the patience for everyone, and the compassion for all.  You have to know the selflessness, the hard-working nature, and the overall unconditional love that radiated throughout his being.  Even then, I still feel that's not enough to describe the genuine greatness of his soul, and the wide range of the other souls influenced by his.

When I talk to him and tell him how much I love and miss him, I hope he knows that I'm continually trying to be as lovely as him in every aspect of my life that I possibly can <3 .

Myself, my brother and my Grandpa after my blotched attempt at flower girl-ing.